Newspaper editorial on city planning

I haven’t been outside today, but where would I have gone anyway? They are running out of places nearby, and in the local bourgeois newspaper I read that small business owners now need us to be removed to further away, because there are not yet enough desolate asphalt plains for all the eternal city centre car park. Too many humans are here. I read in the same paper that everyone agrees with this commonsensical view of city planning, and therefore it will be so effectuated. The only ones opposing it were some upper-middle-class, blue-haired, young, and possibly homeless women, who, under influence by mysterious and occult forces, but likely emanating principally from the Communist Party of China, had been mislead into acting as enemies of us the common people, wherefore against this covert yet deadly force, a protest will be organized in support of the further expansion of areas dedicated to the parking of cars.